I cannot find my penis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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