Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
