i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
