how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
