When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
