so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
