the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I could fuck to npr.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
