oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
