YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
