can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
