Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
