Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
