There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
