Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
