I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You smell like stripper and shame
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
