When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
