I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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