I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
