i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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