I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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