literally had 100 drinks last night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
