Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
