champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
