You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
