Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
