I wish you could order shots online.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
