I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
