and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
