how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
