In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
