Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
