no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
