so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
