I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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