I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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