so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
