Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
