hotel room ftw
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
