there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
