i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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