It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
