she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
