dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
