defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
