Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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