we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
