I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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