tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just pee around me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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