you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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