she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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