life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
how drunk are you?
Several
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
