i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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