How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't notice because vodka
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Text me some of your sweat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
