I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
