we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
